TONIGHT!!!!! My first day on the job. AHHHHH!!!!!

So picture this:  you are a college football coach and you've dreamed about being a sports commentator for years - you just knew you could do it, but no, you actually had no formal training.   But one day, you win a position on NBC, during the playoffs!!! AMAZING!!  You are terribly excited, grateful and nervous as hell.  You show up first day of your dream job, and you are reminded that yes, your first day of your new job will indeed be on national television.

Holy eff balls.

Secrets from a Stylist debuts tonight.  I'm super excited (i saw it this week) but I'm feeling pretty exposed and vulnerable, too.  Here is how i keep it in perspective:  

ahem.

Winning Design Star and getting my own TV show is an incredible new job, a job that was 10 steps ahead of what I was doing before, an unbelievable promotion in every way, but just a job. 

The amazing parts of my new job are the creative freedom, daily excitement, immense responsibility (yes, i like responsibility, it keeps me out of trouble), and public effect. 

The drawback of my job is that my first day on the job - untrained - is on national TV.  

i mean, i know that's kinda the point of a TV show, being on the TV. But still, I'm on TV.

Yep.  With potentially a million people watching.  (hopefully, but honestly i have no clue how many people watch TV shows, or even how many people 'a million' are).

So I try to not think about all my friends, family, co-workers, fellow designers, bloggers, readers, admirers and yes, haters watching and judging. (hopefully instead they are laughing and smiling and not wanting it to be over.)  

 I'm really proud of my first day on the job.  And the potential of doing it everyday is insanely exciting.  

Do I have criticisms of myself?  um, no doy.  I always will.  

But every time I think about the world watching me, a mini panic attack begins.  

and that's when I remind myself:  

it's just a great new job, its just a great new job.

 - one that I'll get better at everyday - because that's what happens on new jobs.  You start out not knowing quite what you are doing - people help you along and give you tips, but there is a lot of learning and troubleshooting.  It takes a while to find your rhythm, figure out what things you are good at, and what things you need more help with. 

So I want feedback, obviously.  But pretend i'm a five year old who just finished her first piano recital in front of 100 people. Sure, you saw some things I could do better next time, but maybe wait a while - after the shows been for sure picked up and my nerves have calmed down to tell me about them.  For now, let me know what you like about the show, what you definitely want to see more of, or don't want cut out.  I definitely want constructive criticism, too, just not yet.  please.

oh and I'm not sure if HGTV reads these comments, so if you feel like it, comment on my web-page  on HGTV.  

Remember during the show when everybody was promoting their fan vote, and I wasn't?  Well, obviously you know why now. But I'm calling in that favor - if you get a chance, and feel like it let HGTV know what you think about Secrets From a Stylist.  Viewer feedback is super important to them. Click here, to comment to HGTV. 

OOH, also I'm starting to do blog posts for them (which I'm stoked about). And my second one (my first being my 12 most memorable moments from DS, click here to read) will be up after the show - or maybe tomorrow I'm not sure, and you'll be able to comment on that, too.  It is 10 tips to help shopping at flea markets and thrift stores.

So watch SFAS tonight at 10pm on HGTV.  please please please. 

I hope you love it.

And remember, It's just a great new job that I love very much.  

And like that football coach turned commentator,

I'll do the best I can, and get better at it every day. 

And someday when I'm a total pro (which will happen, just watch)  I won't give a sh*t about haters.  

Someday.